portable hearts.

falafel balls are yummy ♥

i had a math test today, and i've been super stressed out because of it. i'm pretty much failing math right now, so i needed to pass that test. otherwise, i wouldn't be able to go to college. so i legitly sat down and studied, for more than an hour total. and yes, it actually paid off. i raped that math test so hard, it wasn't even funny. so yes, i think i'll be going to college.

we went out to lunch, and found this new sushi place on taraval. even better than Sushi Zen!

then i went to a workshop, but it only lasted 15 minutes. had dinner with the girls. it was some place called Goood Frikin Chicken. they had really interesting food. it was definitely fun.


portable hearts are easy to give away, easy to lose.

Happy belated two months, dear.

I went to Golden Gate Park on saturday. Technically it was my friend's surprise birthday party, but we celebrated our two months too. It that selfish? I don't think so. I helped pick up food and set up. I think that's more than enough. It was a very beautiful day, and I had a lot of fun.
Later that night, I had a dinner to go to. Nothing big, just a handful of old friends. I called them so I could cancel. I felt bad, but I was just too full off of picnic food. They ended up convincing me to go, and they changed plans and we went to the crepe store on cole st instead. We used to go there all the time last summer, and I'm glad I went. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't have realized how much I've missed that crowd.
Friday was Lowell's talent show, and it was mind blowing. That's all. I can't wait til they put the videos up on youtube.

I've been practicing piano, and I am improving. But, that leaves me no time for drawing/writing. I guess you just can't have everything.

Here You Go, Doc.

Everything is everything
And still I am nothing
But all I wanted was to be something

To you.


Dissolve. Throw seven years of your life in a glass of water and watch it fizz away like Alka-Seltzer.

It's This Repetitive Nonesense

*hail, snowball fight & rainbows. only thing missisng was the thunder.


I ended things with Doc. I didn't have the balls to see him for one last time, because I hate disappointing people. I didn't even have the balls to hear his voice, to hear how disappointed he would be. So I left a message instead, saying thanks and that I was sorry I couldn't be fixed. By the way, some things are better off broken.

I remember the last thing we talked about. Of course with every doctor I've had, we've discussed my dysfunctional relationships. He asked me to either write a journal or some kind of log. Well actually, two. One analyzing my life as a whole, the other analyzing my relationships with others, mainly the guys.



 I wonder if it was the dysfunctional relationships that broke me, or if I was already broken to begin with.

You're Haunting My Every Memory.

April 14th, 2009.
i still remember; every little detail.


why is it that no matter how hard i try, i simply cannot forget you?

how much would it suck if i couldn't go to college?

Lights Will Guide You Home

went to the Owl City/Lights/Paper Route concert. it was a lot less crazy than i had expected. i didn't go to my last class, so that i could get to the Fillmore earlier. a couple of my friends went on monday, and from what they told me, it was pretty crazy that first night. i'm lucky i went on the second night, because the more hardcore fans all went on the first night.
took the bus there, and i thought i wasn't going to make it in time to get a good spot in line. but then i got there and realized there was barely a line. there was a tour bus parked right outside the door that lead to backstage. i didn't really think anything of it, because those are usually the ones that they keep the band equipment in.
but when i walked past that door, i saw Valerie walk out. oh my fucking god! i flipped the shit out, and stood there stammering like an idiot. she walked out of the door and right into her tour bus, too quickly for me to process and realize that i just missed out on my chance of meeting her. i could've just died. so i stood outside of the tour bus for a while, hoping&praying that she would come back out.
of course, she didnt.
she probably could see me from the inside of her tour bus, i'm such a creeper. but i was really sad, having lost the chance of meeting her. but then i remembered something on her twitter that mentioned a meet and greet. so i went to the corner and scanned for a girl wearing a grey&white shirt. there was a line of about 15 people on that corner, and i saw a girl in navy&white stripes. i didn't think it was her, but i overheard people in line talking about seeing Lights, so i figured that was the line for the meet&greet.
i was so lucky, because i got my second chance to meet her!
paper route was pretty decent, and they played on a mini drum kit, it was pretty epic.
of course, Lights blew my mind, she's just too amazing.
owl city was pretty decent, he gave quite a nice show. but he's a classic example of a singer letting their newfound fame change who they were when they started. i miss the old adam.
i wanted to sign Valerie's tour book, but the lign was too long, so i just gave up. i got my picture with her, and it was more than enough♥

anaheim

back in sf, and i missed it so very much.


went to anaheim for five days, and it was crazy fun.
we got there on saturday morning, and settled into the room. afterwards, walked to target & the 99cents store to stock up on food, etc. but we were looking for fresh food, so we walked even more to a safeway a million miles away. it was extremely hot, and we had a gallon of milk, a big bottle of oil, a pack of steak, and a bunch of other stuff. and we were about 50 blocks away from the hotel. walking back was not fun. and getting hit on by wannabe rappers was not fun either. the guys got there a little after we got back to the hotel, after driving all the way from sf. so that night, we went to downtown disney and by the time we got back, i was tired and i wasn't in the mood to party with them. we had three rooms, with three bedrooms in each room. there was a lot of space, but i didn't sleep very well that night. they were partying pretty loud.
sunday morning we had to move all our stuff out tof the rooms and move into a smaller one. it sucked because our stuff basically took up most of the space, but we somehow managed. i felt a little bad, because we trashed the place. after moving our stuff, we had a lovely girls day out. we went shopping all day, and bought a lot of stuff. i ended up with two new dresses and another pair of boots. we got back in time to hang around in the swimming pool with everyone else. then i helped cook dinner, but all i actually did was wash dishes. i was tired, but i stayed up with them, because some of the girls were leaving that night, and we had lots of fun.


*there will be more, maybe.