When Words Aren't Enough

Felt the need to blog, but can't seem to sum up my feelings into less than a novel at the moment.  This is the closest I can get:

"Depressed-- it's just this word invented by other people that doesn't even come halfway to describing how you actually feel."

in order to improve the world, you must first improve yourself .

what an uneventful day. compared to the previous weekend, my week has been u-b-e-r calmado.  I promised that I wouldn't party this weekend, and I didn't. Yay me! Sure, I completely miss it, but this is already week 3 of alcohol-free Leana.  I deserve some type of award or medal.

With school nearing an end, I find myself buried in finals.  As usual, finals are scheduled within 3 days, but most teachers find it easier to give the final a week or two ahead.  That way, they have more time to grade the finals and are less stressed and constricted by time.  Although this makes their lives easier, it can be hell for the rest of us students.  Today and tomorrow is my two-day US History final, and tomorrow will be my spanish final.  I wish I had put aside more time to actually study or had done something productive over the weekend.

Don't get me wrong, I am improving.  Especially my drinking habits.  But, everything comes with a price.  No more underage partying means that I need something else to entertain myself with.  So non-stop G-rated parties and movies all weekend.  But that still means I'm not doing anything productive.  No matter what, I must study for my math final this weekend and get that A!

Check out my daily horoscope from Yahoo!

"A tough choice you recently made is finally paying off."

&for once, I c o m p l e t e l y agree.

Things to do:

[ ] Buy a new flat iron.

[ ] Beat 282s on Mindsweeper (advanced)

[ ] Study for Math!

[ ] Memorize Spanish skit

shopping in Oakland !

Just got back from movie night at Paul's house.  Haha, and I said that I wouldn't be having movie night with a guy.  This'll be the second time I'll be apologizing to Joe. 8)  Forgive me.

So we watched Push and we were supposed to watch Slumdog Millionaire, but Paul couldn't find it.  Also, a movie night couldn't be complete without a Johnny Depp film, so we watched Finding Neverland.  It's such a cute movie!

So today was a wonderfully fun day.  Even the bad weather couldn't completely dampen the mood.  Aiden took me shopping in Oakland today, & had pizza for lunch.  Well, we went to California's Pizza Kitchen, but I had spaghetti and Aiden had a sandwich.

Not exactly a mall, more like a strip.  It had pretty much the same stores as in downtown SF, but looked a lot nicer + a lot less foot traffic.  

Highlight of the day: one day $1 flipflop sale at Old Navy, score!  This one lady had atleast 15 pairs of sandals in her arms, clinging on for dear life.  An Old Navy employee tried to tell her that the sale only allows 5 pairs per customer, but she refused to put them down.  I couldn't help but laugh.

Oh, Lowell's Dance Concert was fun! &so was Friday in general.

¡Flantástico!

Finished my history presentation & turned in two english essays today.  My weekend should be stress-free.  The math test today wasn't so bad, at least not as bad as most people made it sound.  &we got to make ice cream for my chem class!  All in all it was pretty fun.

And tomorrow will just be so much more fun!  No classes tomorrow, because it's Kermesse, a day when the language department sells food to fundraise.  Usually have some awesome food, and this year I'll be supervising the spanish 'Flantástico' booth during the morning shift.  I'm excited, it'll be my first day for working at Kermesse.

Also.. I'll be attending Lowell's dance concert that night!  It'll be the first one that I legitly pay for and attend. 8)  It'll be god forshuree, plus Lowell's Dance Company never fails to entertain.

 

p.s. I don't appreciate the giant penis that you drew on my eraser, Kelvin.  &this wasn't even the first time!

Tests + Stress= BigFatMess!

Someone mentioned summer & it just made me wish that the school year was over.  After my AP chem test, everything has been relatively stress-free, but that's changing quickly. 

Had a spanish test today, but it wasn't important enough to study for.  Probably failed it too, but I don't want to think about it.

Tomorrow is a math test, that definitely is important enough to study for.  But I probably won't study for it anyway.  If I manage an A on this test, I could get an A in the class, but that's pretty impossible&improbable.  Not only do I have a math test, but I have my history presentation, too!  Grr.. dying from all the stress.  Just can't wait til Friday to come 8)

Still looking for a Saturday night movie buddy, no guys please. (Sorry Joe)

Does this make me weak?

Couldn't help but feel down today. Sometimes, I forget & my emotions slip. &sometimes people can s e e r i g h t t h r o u g h me.

"You're not you today."

..those words hurt. You spend all of your life building up a wall, learning to never show weakness. And in one tiny lapse, one miniscule flicker of emotion, someone will catch you.

I can't remember where I heard this, but it really caught my attention.

"Happiness is being married to your best friend."

Me&Pierce, right? Maybe if we weren't best friends, we'd be perfect for each other. But that's like telling someone that they should date their brother. Weird.

Back to the important stuff. There's going to be this huge party this Sunday! Some girl named Elle's house? Apparently Pierce hooked up with her and she's 'ultra-rad'. ..but I can't go. This is just part of my promise to lay off on the partying & stop the alcohol abuse.

..sigh, &no more guys. Thanks a lot, Krista.

Since I won't be out partying, I need something fun to do so I won't think too much about the party.

Movie night, anyone?

oh, &I'll be making chicken thighs for my spanish project 8)

contemplating religion like you contemplate suicide.

Last weekend I bought a Hello Kitty colouring book. Why? I can't say. But it makes me happy.

I just needed something to take my mind off of.. everything else. (No more boys, please.)

Almost made it to the end of the day, but slightly cracked during my last class. I apologize to anyone who was within three feet of me when I went into total bitch mode.

I guess I already knew that holding everything in wouldn't be healthy for me. I just pray that no one is around when I finally let everything out.

Problems, problems. Everyone I meet has problems. Why should I feel entitled to anything better?

Contemplating religion/God.

Pros? Spiritual well being. Mental stability.

Cons? Insanity. Lies. Mental stability.

I think I'll pass.