goodnight, beautiful moon. i'm afraid your inspiration was wasted.

this weekend was way too much fun. so now i'm resting.

and i've been drawing again. strange how holding the pencil feels almost alien. it's been a while, obviously.
once i get into the zone, my momentum is pretty unstoppable. and then i find out that i lost my one&only pencil sharpener. it's a piece of crap, but it's all i got. so now, i have five pencils, but none of them usable because they desperately need to be sharpened. i'm fustrated as hell, and there's nothing i can do about it.

*please be nice to her. she reminds me of myself, and i know how much it hurts.

why do you build me up, buttercup?

i'm stressed. that's not right. it's barely the second week of the second semester of my senior year. it's supposed to be relaxing. but it's cool. i'll work my ass off for the first grading period, then i'll slack off and hopefully still get decent grades. or well, decent enough.


plus i stopped drawing, oh nos. i think it's been more than two weeks now. is there a word for this illness? drawer's block? that sounds awkward. i wonder what's changed, that stopped me from getting inspired. i remember back in december when i was overly inspired to the point where my hand hand just couldn't keep up with my imagination. and now, nothing. just emptiness.

all you do is fill me up with doubt

i may be bulletproof, but sometimes love makes me wish i had a heart.

so today was pretty decent. i found out that my spanish teacher really favors his TAs. and i'm one of them, whaddup! so basically, i got a D for my final semester grade. and i was fine with that. but today, he told me to talk to him after class. he said since i was his TA and all, he would bump that up to a C. so yea, this TA position is definitely worth it. work was not so much fun, and homwork is killer. but the weekend makes up for it.


There's this path that I know,
where we can walk on, just you and me.


Before you decide,
I think it's only fair
That this path to freedom
Will only lead you to nowhere.

why, hello there mr. sunshine

shopping, hiking, and dinner.
today was a healing day ♥

apparently, i have amazing triceps.
that's right mr. duggan, thems what you call swimmer muscles.


there's something wrong with me
and it's so plain to see
if only you would open your eyes
this is something i can't hide
i cannot live happily
without you by my side.
^was that silly? yea, but it's all your fault 8)

progressively more cynical? story of my life.

sometimes i just want to smash my huge closet mirrors and watch them shatter into a million shards of glass.
sometimes i can't bear it, when i see the person in the mirror staring back at me. she's a fake, a phoney. she is me.
sometimes i wish i could leave this world, permanently. but i know, even permanent marker isn't permanent.

you'll never know..

the way the air smells after it's been raining for days. the clear night sky, the bright moon after nights of moonless, cloudy skies. the sound of your voice after an especially stressful day at work.
thank you.

..how much that means to me.

don't waste time, get wasted.

i would never, ever sink to your level, sweetie. i'm way better than that.
like, hello? you're a couple years older than me, so stop acting like you're still in middle school. some people just never grow up.

so today i went to my counselor again. i think it's been four times now. and i still haven't been able to talk to him. and i went to TA today for the first time. what a waste of time. silvia & i agreed; we'd rather be wasted than waste our time TAing for our spanish teacher. plus she said her parent's are out for the weekend.
perfect timing or what?

trippy much?

tell me why everyone was high on the first day of the semester. it was waay too funny. i can't believe i didn't remember that until just now. well actually, i can believe it. but i swear to god, i don't smoke.


so today was pretty dumb. i went to the counselor's office for the second time today. and again, i was kicked out before i could even talk to my counselor. not cool. so i ended skipping work and got froyo with the bestie. a couple hours after i got home, he called me and told me to go online. then he sent me this link to this dumb ho's blog. two words: fucking. douche.
i already knew about it, but what the fuck. i guess the reason i was so pissed off was because we called her and tried to confront her about it, but she denied it as if we were fucking stupid. there was just so much shit that she said about what happened two weekends ago, and wow. i actually thought she was pretty nice. i guess not.

ice & snow ; keep it slow.

reno was amazing. i made a couple snowpeoples and met a lot of great people. i owe you a longer blog & details, but the semester just started & i'm trying to get a good start. hopefully this momentum will continue pushing me along for the rest of the semester.

Up In The Air

Last night I caught a late showing of Up In The Air. It's been out for about a month, but I never got around to actually watching it. I have to say that that movie just absolutely blew my fucking mind. It was sooo good, and I can't believe I didn't go to watch it earlier.
It was just the perfect amount of funny, love, and unexpectedness. Plus, I could really relate to the movie. Both as Ryan Bingham's character and his 'lover'. it was actually kind of crazy how relatable this was to my life. But that just makes me love the movie so much more.

Beast

guess what i did yesterday? i ran the lake again. but this time, i didn't stop. not. at. all.
so pretty much about 4 miles, nonstop.
& on top of that, i went swimming afterwards. that's right. beast.

SKY DIVING

So Amy's birthday is in February, and she's turning 18. The plan was to go sky diving. SKY DIVING. I know, right? And I got all worked up about it too. Then we find out that it's nearly impossible to find a skydiving company that accepts minors, even with parental consent. That sucks sooo bad.

Buuuut, now I have something to look forward to for my birthday! Sky Diving! & only exactly six more months from today♥

can i tap?

wow. winter break went by way too fast. it's slightly depressing. but i've had sooo much fun these past couple weeks, it was my best break so far. i'm actually not even mad that I didn't get to stay at Paulina's house in Danville like we had planned.
best way to end the break?
get drunk, dance with cute boys & go to chuck e. cheese the next morning with a really bad hangover.
had some brownies with steve when i got back from san jose today, then didn't start hw until just now. i'm so screwed when school starts..

sayonara winter break

last party to end winter break with a bang. it's been great, but school will be starting extremely soon. so let's make this party one to remember. guess who's about to get crossfaded? hopefully i'll remember to sober up before i drive home.

starting off the new year with a double shot of amnesia.

new year's eve was wonderful. i'm glad i made the right choice. i could've went to a typical party and got faded or high or both, but that's typical Leana. that's not how i wanted to start the new year, hungover and unhappy.
so i decided to spend new year's eve with a special guy. no new year's resolutions this year, but just a little wish: that i could let go of my past, forget the one who still has my heart, and start over with a new guy, one that i know can treat me better and truly love me.


so i tell myself what i want to hear
because i have to believe: this will be my year