i'm a dumbass.

so i made a mistake. and i can only blame myself. miscommunication is painful.


i feel so retarded, i just complicated everything. i promised monogamy, right?
..but after what happened today, i couldnt be alone. i just couldnt. you understand, dont you?
so i called up an old 'friend'. old habits die hard..
on the up side, i got to watch the sunset. its been a while since ive had time to just sit and enjoy nature. then i took it a step further and we went to sierra point and had a nice walk and watched the moon.
but today made me think a lot. of where i stand, relationship-wise. and ive come up to the conclusion that, yes, quality is better than quantity. so i probably won't mention this 'slip-up', because i think that it had a positive effect on our relationship.

also, my friend convinced me to celebrate Lent with him. apparently, you're supposed to either give something up, like soda or swearing, or give something, like your free time to volunteering.
so we talked about what he was giving up, which was alcohol and meat, and sundays at the homeless shelter. that was pretty hardcore, and hearing him say that he was gonna give up meat made me want to give something up also, as a way of supporting him.
so he helped me pick, and i decided i would give up fast food, and chips. which is hard, but not extremely. the last one, which is the hardest for me, is being more open and honest. he's known me for a long time, and he thinks that i dont trust people enough, and i never let anyone in. it was painful to hear him talk about me that way, especially since it was the truth. so forty days, of letting people in. this is gonna kill me.