Then I went home and for once in a long time, my heart and mind were at total peace. I'm glad that I had the chance to let everything out. Well, not everything exactly.
There's only so much you can confess, even to your dearest friend. Even to yourself.
I know I'm not a very open person, but I am working on it. It's not healthy for me to keep everything inside. Still, there are things that I have done that I don't think I can ever tell anyone, and I do my best to forget about. But, the memories still haunt me. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't stopped seeing my psychiatrist. Sure, he helped a lot. But, I just felt so helpless around him sometimes, like I was a lab rat just waiting for him to pick at my thoughts. I just can't handle showing any signs of vulnerability.
Anyways, back to the present now. I'll be leaving for the Bahamas tomorrow night, and I'm crazy excited! I need this vacation to 'destressitize' a whole year's worth of mind-sizzling stress.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll find a boytoy to share my vacation with.
Just like last year, on the cruise to Mexico. Yeah, Ian and I still talk on the phone sometimes, but you know how long-distanced relationships go. Besides, we were never serious. We both just wanted a good time and have someone to share it with. We were naughty, naughty kids, and I'll always keep these memories with me. 8)
Don't be mad at me David. You know how it is. "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." Only difference is, I'll be in the Bahamas.
