revelation #18

she still wonders why you try so desperately to create meaning out of the void that is her life. she'd asked for nothing. maybe she would prefer if you hated her, as she probably deserves.

her fall would be less painful, both for her and for you.

Diamond in the Rough

"If success were gold, lying in rivers, love was a diamond, buried hundreds of feet beneath the surface of the earth and unrecognizable in its natural form."  --K. Hannah

revelation #17

he wants a lot from this world. and she knows that he'll get what he wants. her, she just wants him. it ain't exactly lock&key perfect is it? her only regret is not always being able to tell him she loves him.

she does, it's just so damned hard to believe in.

revelation #16

she's always been surrounded by people. physically, she was rarely alone. maybe because she knew it was dangerous for her to be alone for too long. she was unstable. it wasn't like she didn't have friends. she had too many friends, so she stopped keeping track of them. plans were usually made with minimal effort on her part, and she was always 'with' someone. but there was something else. an emptiness in her mind. she could be surrounded by people who cared about her, or at least wanted to be around her, and she'd still feel painfully alone.

she had lots of love to give; but she was much too alone.

revelation #15

maybe she feels like she's bleeding -- but it isn't blood that leaks out, not something that could be so easily transfused.

instead, she was losing her dreams.

revelation #14

all she had ever wanted was to forget. but even when she thought she had, pieces kept on emerging here and there, like bits of wood floating to the surface that only hinted at the shipwreck below. because that is what happens when she tries to run from her past. it doesn't just catch up to her: it over takes, blotting out the future, the landscape, even the very sky, until there is no path left except for the one that leads through it.

the only one that can ever take her home.

revelation #13

i don't entirely believe it's a healthy thing for a person to spend so much time inside her own head. it's a trap.

one i know all too well.

i love you, but i'm weak

i'm scared of you. not so much scared, but afraid. there is a difference. i wish you were a typical guy. things would be so much easier; i wouldn't be as happy as i am now, but at least i wouldn't feel so weak.

know this; if i had a choice, it would absolutely have been someone else. someone safer.

fun-guy

first time doing shrooms, and i was lucky enough to share the experience with my lover.

don't ever let me forget this day. ever.

revelation #12

punching someone in the face is not freaking out. i mean, to me freaking out is different. more of a running away, not telling anyone what's wrong, slowly simmering until you burst kind of thing.

but well, i guess it's just a matter of semantics.

revelation #11

maybe she wishes she loved him less. it was dangerous to feel this way; she felt like a naked infant exposed to the elements. fragile and infinitely afraid. he could ruin her someday.

of that she had no doubt.

revelation #10

maybe her makeup is her warpaint. because you can't look into her eyes when her eyeliner shields her from your prying eyes,

she built a wall, an illusion so that she wouldn't look so small.

revelation #9

maybe she likes real life rollercoaster rides. she like the excitement of danger, but in the back of her mind, she knows nothing bad could ever happen. rollercoasters are always checked and maintained properly to avoid any problems. but maybe she's afraid of emotional rollercoasters. maybe, deep down, she's just a scared little girl. she pretends she's strong enough and climbs on board the rollercoaster. everything's fine, as long as things are looking up. but the second things start going downhill, maybe she doesn't have the guts to stay on the ride, and she just ditches. it's always been like this for her. once things start looking bad, she just leaves. maybe she's afraid that once things go downhill, she will crash and burn into the ground. maybe, he's teaching her to see that yes, things will go downhill, but that doesn't mean that she will crash & burn.

maybe all she needs is to learn how to hold on.

end of my high school career.

saturday night, thurgood's prom.
sunday night, lowell's prom.
monday, napping day
tuesday, senior picnic
wednesday, grad rehearsal
thrusday, graduation

high school passed by so quickly.