mentally, emotionally

my wednesday schedule is changed yet again. it still will be my day off of work though. but i'll be spending it with someone else from now on. and today was day one. i went to Nathan's house, out by golden gate park. there were so many words left unspoken, i almost wished i hadn't gone there. we ended up at twin peaks, and watched the sunset together. biggest mistake of my life. i was slowly breaking down, and he didn't know what to do. so we sat in his car in silence for about an hour after the sun had set. all i can really remember is the painfully cold air, and my numbness. then he told me to talk. and i told him everything. e v e r y t h i n g &honestly, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder, as cliche as that may sound. i was selfish, and i realize this. but i needed this more than you can ever know.


God, please forgive me for not being there for him; forgive me for not telling him i am so sorry and i love him; please forgive me for not crying into his sweater or being enough.

exhausted.